Friday, December 12, 2008

Don’t Do This #2

Do not, when using a rather small public restroom, and sitting alone in your closed stall suddenly yell “ANGIE! ANGIE!” the second I walk into the door; causing me to become startled, confused, and mostly to wonder if I need to say something like, “No… I’m not Angie.” Or... "Somebody come quickly. There's a crazy loon in the women's restroom!"

DO NOT, at the point when I decide things have calmed down and it’s cool for me to do what I came to do, suddenly start talking again – ON THE PHONE.

IN THE RESTROOM.

THE PUBLIC RESTROOM.

Do I even need to explain the myriad, various and sundry ins and outs of how completely inappropriate this is?


Look. I don’t care if you talk to people on the phone in the bathroom in your own home. But please. For the love of god, do not involve me and my personal and private matters in these types of things. Good grief! I could barf.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving - Cinema Style

In honor of probably one of the best holidays to exist ever, I have decided to discuss what I believe to be the three best Thanksgiving movies. People never think there are Thanksgiving movies. Well. I am here to tell you that THERE ARE. And some of them are exceptional.

First, everyone knows this one: Planes, Trains and Automobiles. If you haven't seen it, well, I don't even know what to say other than welcome to society! Now, SEE IT and laugh your head off. (I warn you, there is "language" in this clip, but I swear to you it is worth it!)



Planes, Trains And Automobiles - Watch the top videos of the week here
Second, and certainly not for the faint of heart: The House of Yes. This one always makes me think of Dirk because of his love for the PPosey and he was the one who introduced me to it. Oh man. This movie epitomizes dark humor, but MAN is there humor. I mean, Parker Posey AND Tori Spelling? Get real! Oh man, Parker Posey doesn't even need to speak, just watch her face. Genius.)



Third, and definitely my favorite Thanksgiving movie: Home for the Holidays. Directed by Jodie Foster, which is pretty cool and also with Holly Hunter and The RDJ (Robert Downey Jr. I prefer to just call him The RDJ). This is just... I don't know, a truly hilarious but poignant portrayal of a family's Thanksgiving. (I love the little eccentricities of this family...)



Love you all. Happy Thanksgiving!
Gobble Gobble!

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

No crumpets. But still pretty good.

Well, you know how much I love tea right? So today when I went to lunch at Red Rock and ordered hot tea to warm up, I was excited as always to see what kind of selection would come my way. Imagine my delight when amongst those little pockets of goodness was a tea bearing the name Constant Comment.

Constant Comment? I don’t know why I love this SO much, but I do. I do indeed. I feel like it’s on par with naming a tea Quick Question or… Mind Your Manners. Come to think of it, I may be on to something, because I would totally drink those teas too! Love you Bigelow.













From the Constant Comment wrapper:

In "Constant Comment", we use only the finest mountain-grown tea blended with golden orange rind and dash of sweet spice. We hope you enjoy it.

We did!

Friday, November 7, 2008

privates. acting out of line.

First of all... What a delay! Life got crazy. Anyway, I'm going to try and be better at blogging. So I'll start with a couple of back stories from the past few weeks of hiatus.

These two stories both happened over the course of the same week and involve members of the Gelegotis/Pagoaga clan. Before Steve left for Iraq, he and Jenna came to SLC for a visit. These instances happened then. Mind you... just two tiny tidbits of life. You know how I love such things.

#1 Steve and Jenna's first day back in Salt Lake.
We three go, along with Kristin, to Rio Grande for a magnificent lunch. It was a glorious day and we sat outside, ate, talked, lingered and had a blast. As we're all piling back in to the car, Kristin suddenly has a sneezing attack. Sneeze! Sneeze! And everyone says "My goodness! Bless you!" Then she says: "Oh... my kegel didn't work." Then everyone pretty much died laughing.

#2 Steve and Jenna's second or third day back in Salt Lake.
The three of us are out and about for some reason running errands of some kind. One such errand is picking up an ice cream cake at Baskin Robins for Kristin's birthday party. We go, we get the cake, it's a difficult decision, but we make it happen. Once again, the incident occurs as we're all getting back in the car. Steven kind of makes a little jump to get back in and suddenly goes "Oh man! I shouldn't have sat that way... Ouch..." That kind of thing. He has clearly injured his bits by sitting in a bad way, basically. And this is the best because Jenna says it and we all know how sweet Jenna is, she says: "Well. I don't even know how you guys deal with those things."


And that is everyone's privates acting crazy during one week! Good times.

Monday, September 15, 2008

As if everything you see on the news every single day...

weren't proof enough that our economy is totally and completely in the toilet, allow me to present to you what happened to me today:

Jessica and I went to Big City Soup for lunch. If you don't know, this has always been the best soup place because not only is the soup delicious, but you always get a little cup of soup and then you get a roll and then you also get this darling little individually wrapped piece of Tillamook cheddar cheese. Just like, two bites worth of cheese. But it is pretty much one of my favorite things.

So, we go, and it's the kind of place where you walk up, tell them what you want and take your tray to your table. So we pay, and we're walking to the table with our soup and we both kind of turn back to the girl at the same time, and we're all - But... the cheese? And she says - Oh god, it's 70 cents extra now.

And I looked at her and I said - Obama '08. And she said - I know.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Winnemucca

So. As many of you may know, my family journeyed to Winnemucca, NV this past weekend for my second cousin's wedding. First, let me just say, the wedding was great, the bride was beautiful and the wine... was delicious.

A couple things though:

One - Joel, my dad, forgot his suit. This is ridiculous in so many ways. I mean, it is so not my dad to forget his suit, when we are going to a wedding. It is just completely out of character for him. Completely. Which, of course, made it all the more hilarious.

Two - Because this wedding was in Winnemucca, the only and I mean only shopping option was... Walmart.

Three - Yes. Walmart. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I know. Tons of people shop there. Hello. Obvious. But, you know, my family tends to be made up of mildly raging liberals who avoid Walmart at any and all costs.

Four - We went to Walmart no less than... four times over the course of two days. Because, as it turned out, mom forgot her curling iron, I forgot pyjamas, grandma needed lactaid... Whatever, I don't know. And once again I remind you, that is the only store other than the 40 or 50 thousand discount liquor stores in Winnemucca. (we kind of love Winnemucca...)

Five - Somehow, my dad put together quite a spiffy little outfit and looked, well, breathtaking as I like to call it, at the wedding.

Six - Grandma accusing Aunt Carole of stealing her liquor is probably one of my favorite moments of my life thus far.

Seven - That was more than a couple things, but, worth it.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Is it just me? Or...

is this about the funniest prescription anyone on the planet has ever received?



















Yeah. No. It's not just me. It's hilarious.

(thanks cham. good luck with the tonsils. and the active sucking)

Friday, August 15, 2008

A Very Special Barista

Okay so after bootcamp every day, we usually grab some coffee. Fridays, since they're bleacher days, are special. So we usually go to Starbucks and get fancy drinks.

Today was no exception.

However, once in the car and sipping our toasty warm delights; Kristin and I noticed tasty beverages weren't the only treat of the day...


















Seriously. I love stuff like this. The treats of life I tell you.
The treats of life...

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

a pretty good representation of what conversations are like between me and my dad

Dad: Hey, I need you to help me tonight.

Me: Oh great. With what?

Dad: I need help getting the new barbeque your mother and I bought into the backyard.

Me: A new barbeque, huh? What's it like? Is it stainless steel? Is it a Weber?

Dad: Um... I think it's a Charmglow.

Me: Haha. Charmglow. That sounds gay.

Dad: Well. It is.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Cruefest 2008... What?

So, as you may or may not know, one of the many perks of my job is getting free tickets to things like concerts and sporting events and the like. And usually, if I can go, no matter what level of interest I have in the performance, when it comes to concerts, I'm pretty much game for anything. So... when a pair of Cruefest 2008 tickets fell into my lap, I simply could not resist. My friend Melanie, who is always up for a good time accompanied me to this extravaganza. And let me tell you something. Between the two of us, we've been around a bit. We've seen "life", people, crazy shit, you know. However, nothing and I mean nothing, could have prepared us for the sights our eyes beheld that evening.

First there was this:










Then there were these things...

-The guy who completely turfed it off the ledge into the walkway whilst holding two beers. Best part was, he fell on his face but managed to only spill about a fourth of one beer.
-The girl who was, mmmmm, about a biscuit shy of 300 pounds in basically a bra and jeans, with something resembling (and i mean resembling) a vest.
-Cheap, cheap, CHEAP looking women. Millions of 'em.
-The guy who peed his pants and was running around talking to himself.
-Oh, thousands of people who looked like they stepped out of a time machine. Seriously, they came straight from the concert back in '87. Same outfits, same mullets, everything.
-The fights, my god, the fights.
-More mullets.

Yes. You should be jealous.

Friday, August 1, 2008

No good. I've known too many Spaniards.

Holy moly y’all. Once again it’s been ages. I do not know how the time slips away! Okay, I have been meaning to share this story for weeks. Here we go…

Many of you know our dear surrogate family member hailing from Spain, Iker. Also known as the Basque Bastard. Well, he was in town a little while ago and of course, many a funny moment occurred. I have chosen one for you.

So, one night, Chamonix, Iker and I are on our way to pick up Annan and Rebecca to go to the Tim McGraw concert. But before we pick them up, Iker has requested we pick up a coffee on the way as he is a sleepy doo and needs a little pick-me-up.

In the interest of convenience and time, I drive us all down to the Café Expresso down there on 11th East and 9th South. We pull up and after a few minutes of convincing Iker that YES, you can, in fact, get an iced latte, he orders one. This is where it gets good.

Coffee girl: Do you want a bean?

Iker: What, like a jellybean?

Me and Cham: Haha, no. It’s a chocolate covered coffee bean, just get one.

Iker: What?

Coffee girl: ??????

Me: Just… yes, okay, yes, we’ll have a bean please. Thank you.

So we get the coffee and as we’re driving off, Iker is totally dumbfounded by the bean.

He exclaims exactly this: I HAVE BEEN TO THIS COUNTRY FOR THREE YEARS AND HAVE NEVER BEEN OFFERED A BEAN! This must be a Utah custom…

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Seriously, thanks so much for the advice.

Posted on the door in our hotel room this past weekend in Wyoming:




Friday, July 11, 2008

Danger at Bootcamp

So, I'm still doing bootcamp. I haven't talked about it in a while on the blog, so I thought I'd tell a tale.

A couple of weeks ago, Instructor Richins came to our gym to instruct. He normally works at Draper, so it was a fun treat. It was leg day and he had us all on the treadmills after we warmed up and we were running. Now, normally when I'm on the treadmill at bootcamp, I keep it on a 6.0 speed. Which is pretty standard there, normally most people who run keep it between a 5.5 and a 6.0. So I've got mine going, I'm running, so is Kristin next to me. Richins announces that we're going to do an incline workout on the treadmills before we move on to weights. Everyone screams "YAY!!!". Not really, it was more like, "ohhhh. great." So he tells us all to bring our speed down to 5.5, so we do. And then he just kind of starts this cycle of put your incline to X, speed to X, stay for one minute. Okay, incline to X, speed to X, stay for one minute. And on and on.

So I guess I kind of just get entranced by this whole process and at some point I hear the word "nine" so I just start pushing the button to take my speed up to 9.0 without really thinking. And as the machine is going faster and faster and FASTER, I'm starting to kind of freak out and think, hey, I've never gone this fast. This is REALLY FAST. And I start looking around. And I look at Kristin, and she gives me this look of terror. And the treadmill is SO LOUD now. And I look at Richins and he gives me a look of terror. Without a doubt, my face is surely painted with a look of terror. Then we all start laughing as I frantically reduce my speed and everyone says "nine incline, Morris, not speed. Incline." And then pretty much everyone, including myself, were all laughing so hard we had to jump of the treadmills for a minute to compose ourselves.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Mascot Costume Analysis

So, last night we went to the Bees game. We being my mom and dad, Grandma, Aunt Linda, Lori, Fran, Spencer, Kristin and myself. We were in a radio suite, which of course means good times for all. Another thing that means good times for all is when you can watch a baseball game from an air conditioned suite with endless snacks and beverages. Of course, this is where Kristin and I stayed the entire time; along with Spencer, Grandma and Aunt Linda. Many a bizarre conversation took place. But I'll just give you a kind of synopsis of the best one here:

Spencer: We need to get that Bees mascot in here to bother Joel and sting him with his stinger.

Linda: You know who you need to tell to get a new costume? That Jazz Bear.

Spencer: The Jazz Bear? Why?

Linda: Ugh! I just can't stand looking at him. He looks like he's got a little turd hanging off his butt.

Spencer: Um... Did you just reference the Jazz Bear's dingleberry?

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Everybody loves a good, uncomfortable situation, don't they?

First of all. Whew. It's been a busy couple of weeks and I know that my many millions of loyal readers have been just dying from missing me so much. I know. So, I'm hoping in the next while to pump up the jams again with stories of the past little bit and with any luck, some more awesome stuff will happen to me and I'll tell you all about it.

So last night, I go to REI with Jenna, Steve, Kristin, Court and Steve's family. We had all met up for dinner because every one's in town for the holiday. So we decided to all go do a little shopping at REI. I mean, we're Utahns. This is what we do.

So, Kristin, Court and I are perusing the selection of BPA-free water bottles while everyone else is looking at clothes and such. And if you didn't know this, well, I guess you could say I'm kind of like a raccoon. I see something shiny and I go for it. So I spotted these stainless steel water bottles and I really wanted to get my hands on one. I made a move toward them, and in doing so, grazed my boob along Court's arm. If you know me, you know that I would never ever let such a thing go unacknowledged. So I say - Ha ha Court, I just grazed my boob along your arm. And he says - Yeah, I was just going to ignore it. And before I can say anything else, this guy, who is old enough to be my dad, says from across the store - Hey, you can try that over here. And all of us say - Ohhhh.. hahaaaa... haa.. And then we ran.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

have to

So... it's after 1am currently and I just got home from a little soiree over at Annan's mom Kate's house in celebration of Annan's and Chamonix's birthdays. Normally, I wouldn't find myself blogging at this hour. But a couple of things have lead me to this point. One being that I feel like I haven't written anything in ages, even though it only has been a little over a week. And two being that in one of those kind of winding down the party moments, I feel like I have easily heard one of the most profound statements of my life and I have to write about it right now.

What happened was we had the party and the only people left were me, Cham, Annan, Jenna and Kate. We were all sitting around, nibbling on the remaining bits, musing and contemplating and discussing. And the thing you have to know is, Annan's mom, Kate is just this very salt of the earth type person. She's so easy to talk to and wise and she has all these amazing experiences and everything.

So we're all sitting in the living room with our feet up and we've been talking for ages. And people are pouring their hearts out about relationships and heartbreak and why this and why that. It's one of those moments that you can't force to happen but sometimes they just do at these types of gatherings, you know. So we're all just wondering why things work the way they do in love and why you end up feeling the way you do about someone and why he might feel a certain way about you and Kate says Well, they can worship the ground you walk on, but you still have to find your way.

That's when I about died. And of course she just walked up and went into the kitchen. I freaked out and my jaw pretty much hit the floor. I seriously almost started crying. I mean, really, the insight in that statement just blew my mind. I know I could analyze it and write a whole bunch of things about it but I think I'll just leave it now and let it speak for itself.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Gunnin' For That #1 Spot

If you have known me for at least 7 minutes, you probably know the Beastie Boys are my all time number one favorite band. If you have known me for at least 11 minutes, you probably know MCA aka Adam Yauch is my favorite Beastie.

Well... he's also quite the little director. He's directed tons of the BBoys music videos (many under the alias Nathanial Hornblower) and their concert film Awesome I Fuckin' Shot That!, among other such things.

He's now taken things to the next level and directed a documentary about high school basketball players working their way to the top. I'd probably be into this anyway because I love documentaries, love basketball and that whole thing. But, when my favorite member of my favorite band makes a movie, well, I have to share! It looks like it comes out in select cities on the 27th. Who knows if it'll ever make it into a theatre here. Trust me though, if it does, we'll be having a little outing. Won't we?

It looks pretty amazing.
Go
here to watch the trailer and here to read more. Click around.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Officially Obsessed

So... how long have I managed to resist the Twilight series? A couple years? Well, all it took was a rainy rainy RAINY memorial day weekend... And a week later I'm through with the first two books and about a quarter of a way through the third. I know many many people have read these bad boys long before I did. But, let me say, right here, right now: If you haven't yet. Do it now! These are the kind of vampires we live for, aren't they? Positively gorgeous, loaded and extra gorgeous. Love.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Don't Do This

If you are a lady on oxygen and can't get around very well, don't get in the car and drive around with your arm hanging out the window. Especially if at the end of your arm there is a leash, at the end of which there is a dog.
JUST PAY SOMEONE TO WALK YOUR DAMN DOG.
It could get killed.
Please. God.


(Cham, next time... pictures.)

Friday, May 23, 2008

Maybe would have been a good place for an ampersand. And... Where would this blog be without camera phones?

So last weekend Jenna and I had many a mission to accomplish. One of which was purchasing a white slip (to go, by the way, under the most darling new dress I just got) for moi. You would think this would be a simple task. Yet... no. The perfect white slip, it turns out, isn't such a simple thing to find. Anyway. Our journey brought us to Fashion Place Mall and the Dillard's therein. How many times have y'all been to Dillard's? Well... probably a million. But did you ever notice this?

Probably an ampersand between CHILDRENS and LINGERIE would have been good. I mean, I'm fine with customer service; it's just something about taking the escalator to the basement under a sign that reads CHILDRENS LINGERIE that gives me the creeps... Call me crazy.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

six quirks

I stole this from an awesome blog that I always link to off of Amanda's blog.
You do it too!

Here are six of my quirks...

With pretty much only the exception of working out, I at all times have to be wearing (along with clothing, yes, ha) AT LEAST earrings, one ring, mascara and lippy. If not, I feel nude and anxious.

Windows down or open. I like the fresh air no matter what time of year it is. And whether or not I'm in a car or indoors, at some point, the window is going to get opened.

I haaaaaaaaaate going barefoot in the house. On the beach, in the yard, whatever. But in the house, no. I will wear flip flops or slippers or socks.

I talk with my hands. Always have. Always will. I know this is so very un-American of me, but I can not, nor do I have any desire to stop.

I have all kinds of weird anxiety issues. But one in particular is that I literally can't stand repetitive noises. Things like car alarms, medical equipment noises, alarm clocks, even sometimes turn signals, basically any kind of beep beep type thing. They totally make my heart beat faster and make me want to SCREAM.

Unlike many people, I totally love sitting on the same side in a booth (with a dude, obviously).

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Bernese... Road Dog?

Apparently, I should be doing impromptu dinners every night. Because there's always some kind of little treat in store upon my departure. Last night Jenna and I went for some din at the new Dodo in Sugarhouse. After, we got in the car and started driving down that side street there, when what did we come upon but...


This Bernese Mountain Dog lying oh-so-nonchalantly in the middle of the road. It just sat there and looked at us for quite some time. The dog would not move y'all.
That is, until Jenna yelled "MOVE BITCH!!!". Then it moved.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

safety first

So last night Chamonix and I had an impromptu dinner at Mazza. Which was, as always, delicious. So delicious in fact, that when we were finished we were SO FULL we felt like we were both about to give birth to Middle Eastern food babies. We decided that to take the edge off of this full feeling we'd take a little stroll. Much to our delight, we came upon this:


I think you know what I mean.

Monday, May 12, 2008

shenanigans

Oh people. It has been too long! And way to many stories and tidbits have happened over the past 11 days. I don't even know what to do other than just tell you a few things:
-If you want to know what smells so good, it's our collaborative physique.
-If you have any questions at all about my behavior, choices, actions, etc... during this time in my life - It's my art. If you don't understand art, well, sorry.
-This past month has been one of the best of my life probably.
-I highly recommend, if you are around my age, having a quarterlife crisis. It's fantastic.
-Stop. Hammertime.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

instant messaging profundity

Chamonix says:
nursing shit sucks.
Kathryn says:
i know, all kinds of shit sucks. buying radio sucks.
let's cash in our chips and move to somewhere with palm trees.
Chamonix says:
all kinds of shit sucks... truer words were never said.

Monday, April 28, 2008

a whole lotta bloggin' to do

I don't even know where to begin this entry. I feel like there are a plethora of anecdotes that have occurred over the past few days that simply can not go without documentation. So, I think I will present them in list-form. I think this is going to get long. But if I were a betting man, I'd put money on this being worth your while.

Starting with the Bees Game Thursday night that I attended with Chamonix and her brother Ryan. First of all, we had front row seats right behind home plate, which was awesome. But we were also sitting by these two guys who were pretty funny. And, throughout the night, we exchanged pleasantries here and there with them. Well, Cham and I also spent a lot of time objectifying the umpire, who was definitely hot and sexy. Seriously. Quite hot and quite sexy. And, I think these two dudes definitely noticed our admiration for him. At one point Cham and I were exchanging some witty banter about the little bag the umpire wears that is full of new baseballs for the players. We were saying crap like - "Now... would you call that thing a fanny pack?" and "Or, would it be more like a side pack?". You know, funny stuff. So all of a sudden the guy next to me turns and says "Actually... It's called a ball sack." Full body laughter ensued.

Skip Friday.

Saturday was a busy bomb I tell you.

Cham and I went to the gateway and encountered not one but TWO broken pop machines for a loss of $1.25. Which was disappointing. But not nearly as disappointing as when we showed up at Costco expecting pizza, only to discover that their food court was closed for renovations. SCREW RENOVATIONS!!! We wanted pizza. But, ugh. We got hot dogs and two warm cans of pop instead. You do what you have to do, people.

Then... Saturday night. It began with the bootcamp party. We brought a huge shrimp platter and had a party with all these people, who we only know by their last names, amongst a bunch of exercise equipment. It was pretty funny. Especially when Instructor Thomas announced how fantastic Cham and I looked in our "Civvies", aka: normal clothes. Ohhhhhhhhhh and we smelled good too.

Then we got Mary Kayed in the Maverick parking lot. What's Mary Kayed? You ask... Well, it's what happens when you're sitting in the car waiting for Cham to come out of the Maverick and these two pretty hot dudes pull up next to you in a giant white Denali and make all kinds of eyes at you and say "YOW!!!!" and then the two girls who they are clearly on a date with get out of the back seat and walk by you into Maverick. And it doesn't stop there, because then the girls tell you that the car is hot! And the guys keep making eyes at you and you are laughing so hard and Cham comes out and gets in the car and is like, WTF? And then you're all, I don't know those dudes are in love with us. And it's pretty funny. So you just start up the car and back out because you've got to get to the Dierks Bentley concert. But as you pull out you see a giant MARY KAY: ENRICHING WOMEN'S LIVES sticker on the back of their car and laugh your ass off. THAT, my friends, is getting Mary Kayed.

So we pull up to the E Center and for the LOVE, parking is $10. That is too much. So Cham and I say all sweet and flirty like to the parking guy "Oh man, $10 that is so much, can't we give you $5?" And he's all "What's in it for me? How about dinner?" and we say "You want us to buy you dinner? All they've got in there are hot dogs..." and the guy says "Okayyyyyyyyyy give me $5." So we did.

Okay, so believe it or not, this is where it starts getting REALLY GOOD. We went to Dierks Bentley, of course. And as luck would have it, I managed to score us tickets in the suite. And as luck would have it, some of THE most awesome ladies I know were in the same suite and had already ordered drinks and chicken wings. God, I love those ladies. So we watch the concert, stand around, laugh, drink, talk, eat, etc... At one point Chamonix and I are talking and she suddenly stops and says "Lady..." and just points toward the chicken wings. What do I see? Well, it's a rather large woman, who is either REALLY drunk, REALLY on drugs or maybe a little bit mentally challenged. She is definitely not someone who is sitting in our suite. But, she definitely is cleaning out her cleavage with a napkin by the chicken wings. That's right. You heard me. But it doesn't stop there. She proceeds to take the glass plate meant only to hold the tongs, and LOADS it up with chicken wings. Our chicken wings. Cham, Wendy, Evan and I are all watching in dismay as this is happening. She loads the plate up with wings and walks out the door. Well, clearly the only choice is to follow her. So we do. Out the door and down the corridor of the E Center as she literally leaves a trail of chicken wings on the floor for us to follow. We lost her for a second, but discovered she entered one of the portals. So we go into the portal and she's just standing on the stairs eating those wings. So Evan sneaks up, reaches over and snatches one of the wings off of her plate and we all start laughing and running like a bunch of 5-year-olds. He throws the wing away and we go back to the suite and laugh and whoop it up about this occurrence for about 10 minutes, until... SHE COMES BACK. Empty chicken wing plate in hand and her face all messy with sauces. Chamonix grabs the plate from her and Wendy's all "You can't have any more of our wings..." So she leaves, dejected and sad. So Evan goes out and tries to get her to let him buy her some food or something. Instead she just looks at him and says "Those fuckers made my hands all sticky." Ummmmm... seriously. We were dyyyyyyyying about this. Even Wendy said "This is probably one of the funniest things that has ever happened to me. And I'm 50." Chicken wing thieves... you have to love them.

This next tidbit might be real hard because you kind of have to just picture this in your mind okay? Yesterday morning Cham, Ryan and I go to have breakfast at Over the Counter Cafe. Aside from Ryan sitting in butter, the breakfast was lovely. So we exited the restaurant and stood outside talking, enjoying the GLORIOUS weather. Well, we could not help but notice these two little boys covered in packing peanuts and their dog, also covered in packing peanuts. The dog was a mutt-type, probably about 12 pounds. And obviously the two little boys were in charge of this dog and oh man, I don't know how to explain this. But, they were basically trying to clean off the dog with a witch's broom and it was probably the funniest thing ever. Especially when one of them kind of gave up and straddled the dog grabbed his two front legs and just started hopping all over the sidewalk with it. Just imagine it. I don't know... But that dog could jump.

This was followed by us pulling out of the parking lot and witnessing a man on a bike being hit by a car. Don't worry, everyone was fine and they eventually even hugged. But not before the guy screamed "LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO MY FUCKING BIKE!". Dude... you just flew into the road and SLAMMED your (helmeted) head on the ground. Perhaps the number one concern at the moment isn't the bike. Oh well.

If you've read this whole thing, man, good job.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

There really are myriad reasons to drive to Utah County...

Primarily for Grey's Anatomy night with Jenn.
But also to see this:

Monday, April 21, 2008

paparazzi

So, when we went to Moab a couple weekends ago, we adhered to tradition and drove out to Dead Horse Point to watch the sunset one night. We sat out and ate chips and salsa and laughed and talked for quite some time. When we were getting ready to leave, this man came up to us and said he had taken some pictures of us from afar. He said if they turned out well, he'd happily email them to us.
Well he did do. And aren't you glad?


Tuesday, April 15, 2008

just a portion of today's most entertaining telephone conversation

me: Oh my gosh, have you seen the new milk ads?

reade: The new milk ads...? for milk?

me: Yeah... for milk.

both me & reade: Baahahahaha! ha ha. yeah.

reade: Ha. Oh. This is probably going on the blog.

me: Yep.

Monday, April 14, 2008

If I were easily offended, you and I probably wouldn't be friends.

Many great quotes/hilarious moments came out of the past few days. I'm going to give you my top two moments right now. It might be a little random. But I'm random. So, just roll with it.

As I mentioned earlier, I went to Moab this past weekend with my mom and two of her friends Tonia and Samantha. It was quite fun and there were definitely some noteworthy moments. One of which is this blog entry's namesake. Basically we were just all hiking along and my mom and Tonia were talking. My mom said something to Tonia about her needing to put more sunscreen on and did the whole - I know I'm being motherly and I don't want to offend you but... - thing. And Tonia was all Oh Laurel... If I were easily offended, you and I probably wouldn't be friends. And that was when I pretty much died laughing. I hope you know my mom so you know that this is not only hilarious, but true (Really in the best way).

Friday morning Cham & I did go to bootcamp before I left town for Moab. Fridays are bleacher days as I'm sure you know by now. So we go to Hillcrest to do the regular drill. We go down to the track and line up in our formation like we do every Friday. The thing is, Fridays are a big day because everyone from every class is there. And ALL the new PTs from that week are there finishing off their Hell Week in their vests and what not. So they need go get all the instructions on how to march and run and everything. And every week Instructor Thomas does this little talk about it. He tells you what to do so you don't get hurt and how to act, etc. And the basic point behind it all is that if you can not keep up, you need to fall out of formation and go to the back where one of the instructors will help you.


Well. This is what he said:
ALRIGHT! Listen up!! I don't want to have any injuries on my watch! So make sure you are one arm's length behind the person in front of you! And if you can't keep up, go to the back and someone will do you from the rear!!!

Wait... What?
Go to the back. And someone will DO YOU. FROM THE REAR.
This is EXACTLY what he said. I'm not elaborating or exaggerating for the sake of funny times. Try to be amongst about 50 or 60 people who are all lined up all serious and military style and NOT laugh when someone screams that at you. Oh we laughed. Silently and hard. And we laughed... Instructor Crook was laughing so hard I saw him run to the back so Thomas wouldn't see him. Thing is, he just gets talking so fast he doesn't even know what he's saying half the time. But, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Just a Couple Things

So kids. Tomorrow I'm taking off to Moab for the weekend with my Mom and two other ladies I don't even know. I'm thinking this is going to be a good thing, since the past two mornings I've actually barfed when I brushed my teeth. A touch of anxiety sure can do wonders, can't it?

Yeah. It'll be good to get out of town for a minute.

Until then, I think everyone should try and comprehend the overwhelming level of cuteness achieved here:


That is all.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

hot ear

I need to talk about the phenomenon known as "hot ear" right now. I feel pretty confident that at least some if not all of my friends know what hot ear is. I KNOW Dirk does.
If you don't know, hot ear is what it sounds like. It's when, for no particular reason, one of your ears gets REALLY HOT AND RED. Like a hot little fireball. And it's SO ANNOYING. And hot. And red. And it's your ear.
Well, for the past couple of days old lefty's been working up a real good case of hot ear. It's driving me nuts. And I might cut it off. Seriously people, this has been going since... I'd say Sunday night.
See for yourself regular, right ear is pictured on the left. What I'm now calling "hotsy" is on the right:












Why so hot little guy? Hmmm?

Monday, April 7, 2008

How bootcamp is NOW...

Okay so remember the days of hell week at bootcamp? With the whole "no eye-balling" the instructors thing? And no talking? And all the yelling? And the punishment push ups? Well it's true. That part of bootcamp was hilarious. But post hell week... Now that's REALLY hilarious

The thing is, once you're out of hell week, your relationship with the instructors basically does a complete 180. Don't get me wrong; the workouts are still HARD. Maybe even harder than during hell week. But now, you're looking them in the eye, chatting them up, discussing things, joking, laughing, the whole bit. And sometimes, it's pretty funny.

Example:
Today I'm on my treadmill, going going going. Running. Waiting for Sparks to call me out to do the circuit. And, basically at the moment he calls me out, my hand accidentally slams the STOP button on the treadmill.
Stopping the treadmill is a big no-no at bootcamp.

So, this is how the conversation went, the whole time both of us laughing:

Sparks - "MORRIS!?!?!!?! Did you stop my treadmill?"

Me - "NOOO... Never. No. It was an accident. Promise promise. Accident."

Sparks - "Morris. Did your boobs hit the stop button on my treadmill?"

Me - "Ha ha ha. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Ha. What?!? No. Ha."

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Gloria

Most of you probably know about the Filipino Prisoners and their truly amazing dances. Well, they've got a new one. And seriously... I can't get enough. Watch and you can see, they are doing this with passion. They are feeling it. Make sure you watch until the end - big finish.
Enjoy.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

In Bruges

I know I'm a little late on this but um... In Bruges.
If you haven't seen it, see it now. If you have seen it and didn't like it and we're friends, we might need to reevaluate the relationship.

Basically, if you know me, and I think you do know me, you know this movie was pretty much made for me.

Attractive main character with sexy accent - check.
Beautiful European setting - check.
Extreme violence related to organized crime - check.
Not to mention a million other things that basically all come together to make a perfect movie.

Colin Farrell where have you BEEN? Oh man people. He is awesome in this. Complicated, sad, cute, funny, mean. Plus, every supporting character is also fantastic. Ralph Fiennes is pretty much always fantastic, but he also happens to look pretty fantastic and in kind of a weird way in this one. And the other guy, Brendan Gleeson, definitely should have won some kind of award. He wins my award anyway.

The story is unique and interesting. The characters are all well thought out, well acted and developed. The movie just LOOKS gorgeous. I really can't say enough. But I really don't want to say too much because I just want you to go see it.
Go go go.
Go now.
Go.

Monday, March 31, 2008

Shall we talk about this morning? Oh let's...

In case you hadn't noticed, Mother Nature really brought the house down this morning. So, when my alarm went off at 5:01am and I looked out the window to see a winter wonderland, pretty much the only word that my brain and lips could form was... Fuck.

It had REALLY snowed and it was still REALLY snowing. And I REALLY had to get to bootcamp. On time. I sprung into emergency fast pace mode. Got ready, got my stuff, my water, my towel, my ginormous coat, my mittens AND thinking I was being smart, put my snow boots on and threw my workout shoes in my bag.

I hope you are picturing this in your mind because it will just keep getting better.

I went out to the car. It was covered in mountains of snow. I started the bad boy up. I got the scraper out and tried to use it. How long have I lived here? Scrapers do not move mountains of snow. Arms do. People, let me tell you, I was flinging those mountains of snow off the car with my arms and my mittens and my stupid coat. Just using the arms. And, by the way, I don't really have that long of arms, or that long of a body or any long body parts, for that matter. Therefore, this was not an easy task.

So, I manage to get that fiasco over with, get in the car and white-knuckle it to the park n' ride on 39th where Cham and I meet every morning to drive to bootcamp.


We decided that since she has all-wheel-drive, it's best that she take the reigns this morning. But, my friends, her front passenger seat belt is broken. This morning was not the morning to be taking risks on the road so... It's Driving Miss Daisy time. We got on the freeway and after all of this I am positively parched. So, comfy cozy in the back seat, I dug around in my bag to find my water bottle and lo... I could only see one workout shoe.
SHIT. BALLS.

We got off the freeway at the next exit, went back to my car, searched and searched. No shoe. It was lost somewhere long before the park n' ride.
Laughing now (and maybe a little bit crying) we got back on the freeway (Driving Miss Daisy Style) to go to bootcamp. We made it. We were late. I only had snow boots.
I had to do bootcamp in snow boots y'all.

Instructor Crook, laughing, says to me as I'm doing my infinite number of lat pull-downs "Snow boots, huh?". I told him the story and I think he thought it was funny. But, that didn't really help to regulate my foot temperature at all. Until today, I never fully realized how wonderfully warm those snow boots are.

Oh and... my mom found my shoe. In the street. In the snow.


Friday, March 28, 2008

tokens

Okay, so after reading Dirk's blog about random but amazing notes left on your car this morning, I remembered an incident like this in my own life ages ago. And for me, it's things like this that make the world go round, so I had to copy and share my own experience with this phenomenon.
This was years ago but i still remember it. I was going to the U and had to run to the bookstore for something. Probably one of those odious blue books or something of that nature.
When I came back out to my car, there was a postcard-type piece of paper stuck in my window between that black rubber and the actual glass, you know. It was totally white except for in the upper left hand corner there was a kind of dark reddish and mustard colored painting type thing. Sort of abstract-expressionist-esque.
Anyway, on the card was a "note" if you will. And it said something like -
A few years ago I read this book by Kurt Vonnegut called Slaughterhouse Five. I will never look at the world the same way...
I can't remember exactly how it went since this was probably 8 years ago. But I kept that card forever. If I still have it I'll put it up here sometime. But I just LOVE things like that so much because they totally change your day and perspective and everything. I think they remind you that the world is still magical and amazing and good. I know that sounds a tad cliché but... I think it's so important to be open to those experiences and value them. It keeps the jaded away.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

This is what happens when you put a child from Texas on a sled on a snowy mountain...

I couldn't resist posting this video of my cousin's kid.
Promise it's worth your 7 seconds.
Pretty much the best thing ever is his reaction at the end.

(Having sound on and up is crucial to your enjoyment of this video)

Monday, March 24, 2008

Wishlist for Spring

Every time the seasons change, I pretty much want to go out and buy an entirely new wardrobe. Anyone who knows me is well aware of my passion for clothes, shoes, bags, accessories and all such things. When spring comes, for me, it's all about letting that little hippie in me get out for a while. I love thin wispy fabrics, color and fluttery shapes.
Here are some of my top pics for the sunny days ahead...

A tunic. I LOVE tunics. They are some of my favorite things to wear in the summer. Light, cute and airy but with a bit of structure and a bit more style than a plain old t-shirt, so you still look put together. Even with just jeans, flips and a cool necklace. The colors and paisley pattern in this one from J. Crew call my name. As Dirk would say, I was born under a Paisley Moon.

As with most girls (I'd assume), I also love to wear dresses in the summer. They're easy and versatile. This dress from Anthropologie wants to be on my body right now. It's got the whole Asian vibe going on, which you know I love. Plus, the colors are perfect. It's the type of thing I could wear with heels to the office or some black leather flip flops to brunch.
Clockwork Dress by Maple - Anthropologie

Sandals are simply a must, don't you think? Pretty much the moment Mother Nature will allow me to wear a flip flop, I do. These flips by Tory Burch caught my eye because they are leather, which I love and they have some cute detailing that takes them up a notch. I'll take one in every color please...
Tory Burch Thora Leather Flip Flop - Bloomingdale's


I always wear wooden jewelry in the spring and summer. There's just something about this time of year that makes me want to put it on. This bangle perfectly balances that earthy feeling that wood has with a sculptural, artistic look. Pinstripe Wooden Bangle - Banana Republic

I love aviators. I love to hate Tom Ford. I love these sunglasses.
Warren Aviator Sunglasses by Tom Ford - Neiman Marcus

And for my "Oh lord, who cares about money?" category...
This bag. Oh, who doesn't want a gorgeous, supple Kelly Green leather bag?
Kooba Callie Shopper - Nordstrom

Friday, March 21, 2008

I wanna be an Airborne Ranger! Wait... No.

But we did finish hell week today.
Good God.
Let me tell you about it.

First of all, it's the ass crack of dawn. Everyone shows up at Hillcrest High School in the pitch black in this stream of cars. It looks... illegal. People start pouring out of their cars and gathering round. Those of us finishing off Hell Week still have to wear the 30 pound vest. So Cham, Nicole (who started this week too but isn't in the same company as Cham and I) and I gather round to get them on with all the other new PTs.

It's also FREEZING by the way.

Then we all make our way down to the track. Instructor Thomas lines us up and teaches us how to march. We march. We march once around the track. Then we run once around the track. All the while repeating these glorious chants from Instructor Thomas.
Favorite lines include:
-I used to wear faded jeans. Now I wear Army greens.
-I got a woman. She's got a pair of hips. Like two twin battleships.
-Two old ladies laying in a bed. One rolled over to the other and said - I wanna be an Airborne Ranger! (really? two old ladies? we were dying about that one)
These may not seem that hilarious right now. But, yelling these out as loud as you possibly can when you are running with that vest on and your arms raised over your head, trust me; it's hilarious.

Now it's time to run bleachers. So we run up the stairs. Two at a time. Then run over to the other set, down those stairs. Across the football field. Up the next set of stairs two at a time. Down the next set. Across the football field... Until we've done them all.

Then. Asshole Hill. For real. That's what it's called. It's this steep hill and you have to run up it 10 times, over to the stairs, down the stairs, back down part of the track, back up the hill...

Then. 75 sit ups. Then push ups. Oh. And while you do the push ups, you sing Amazing Grace.

After push ups we all lined up and had this little pep talk and some people shared their stories of how much boot camp has helped them or transformed them. Then we shook hands or got pats on the back from all the instructors.

AND DONE!!

I also have to include this part. The whole time you're doing all this running, the people who have been there for a while are cheering you on. They are helping you up the hill and telling you how awesome you are. They will literally hold your hand to get you up that hill or run next to you. It's definitely one of those kind of HUMANKIND moments. You know? Where these people who you may have never seen or met are suddenly holding your hand or pushing you to keep going. There is certainly something to be said for that.

And here's the deal. It was hard, but we did it. And the thing is, Cham and I were having this conversation afterwards, about how we feel so powerful now. We feel proud and strong and like we can do anything.

You might barf. But, it's worth it.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

kids are awesome

I only wish I could have been there for this story Chamonix just told me about her friend Matt, who is an elementary school teacher.

In class this morning he decided to read a book called "Under Water" about under water sea animals.

After he read about the octopus, he asked a little girl, "How many legs does an octopus have?"

Her reply: "You have a penis".

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Did You Feel Nestled?

So... I was starting to feel left out.
Last weekend, I went with Dirk, Jo, Peter & Kayla to Leslie & The Ly's at Kilby Court. You can read awesome reviews on both Dirk & Jo's blogs. So I won't waste your time here.
However, I was feeling left out of the "here's me and Leslie Hall" picture club.
So here's mine.

Try not to die of jealousy.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Born in the Back Woods... Raised by a Bear

Day 1 of Boot Camp With Jess complete!

I know everyone has been as hotly anticipating this day as much as I have.

Best/funniest things about the first day:
-Having Instructor Thomas (aka Jess) paint our faces with army paint and ask us what the Tin Man had all along.
-Being punished with 10 push ups a million times for things like... eating cheerios with skim milk or a piece of bread.
-Wearing a 30 pound vest. This definitely falls more in the "funny" category...

-Cute girls and ladies who have already been there for a while cheering Cham and me along.
-Having to memorize chants on the treadmill with lines like: Born in the back woods, raised by a bear.
-Shuffling.
-Instructor Thomas telling me he knows where I live.
-Being informed by instructor Thomas that for the next 6 weeks we are not to eat dairy (or "daries" as it's put on his handouts) or bread, pasta, etc. I did not tell him that this was not bloody likely.
-And probably my favorite part of the day: When Cham accidentally called him INSPECTOR Thomas and we both busted up laughing, but she ended up having to do 10 more push ups. Somehow, I got lucky on that one.

Oh boot camp... you kill me. You really do.


Friday, March 14, 2008

Izzie's Mug

Okay so about a year ago, my cousin Jenn and I realized we were probably the only two people on the planet who weren't watching Grey's Anatomy. Since then we've been doing the whole "Oh man, we REALLY need to get together with those DVDs and watch it..." thing. That was, until 6 weeks or so ago when we started getting together every week and watching four or five episodes at a time.

Let me tell you; this has been quite a great deal of fun. Sometimes our other family members and friends have joined in on the viewing pleasure too. It's been great to spend more time with my cousin laughing and hanging out together. And, please, Grey's Anatomy! It really is guilty pleasure television at its best. I love everyone on that show.
I want to be them. I want to be on them. (If you don't get that reference, well... I'm sorry)

Anyway. One major object of desire for me on this show has been Izzie's Mug. Swear, she is always carrying around this mug. I love it love it love it. It's cute, it's a great size, color, shape, everything. So Jenn googled it and what do you know? It's $5.99 on amazon.com.

Of course I ordered them up post haste. One for me, Jenn and Amy (another regular viewer). I also ordered myself a green one to use at work. I'm obsessed! I highly recommend watching Grey's Anatomy and owning Izzie's Mug. Moreover, watching Grey's Anatomy WITH Izzie's Mug in hand.

Could it get any better?



Wednesday, March 12, 2008

It's Time for Shock and Awe!!!

Well darlings.
Svelte for summer is indeed a desire many of us have, no?

I think after a winter, especially after THE LONGEST WINTER IN THE HISTORY OF SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH, many peeps are feeling a teensy bit doughy and soft. And you kind of want to get back in shape, get going a bit and feel better for the nice weather and cute clothes.

So. In the hopes of reaching this goal more quickly than we could on our own, Chamonix and I have enrolled in... Bootcamp.
Yep. Bootcamp.
Bootcamp with Jess.
We will be going 5 days a week (M-F) for 6 weeks at 6am. AHHHH!!! Seriously, in order to understand the full meaning of this, you need to visit: http://www.bootcampwithjess.com Make sure you have your volume turned up. Please. And by all means, look around. Watch the news clips. Read about Jess and his many skills...

I admit it. I'm terrified. If you know me, you know that I do have some slight issues with authority. You also know that I'm a bit of a jokester. And the combination of Chamonix and I in this together could result in some serious giggle fits, which could result in some serious push ups. I'm also excited though. This is a great opportunity to have fun with Cham, work out every day and let's be honest; I'll probably get some seriously good material to write about here.

Monday, March 10, 2008

let the games begin.

So... Everyone,

I have finally decided to give this whole blogging thing a shot.

In case you didn't know, life's a-changing for me these days.

And, for the past little while, many of my friends and relatives who have started their own blogs have said "Oh. You should really start a blog". And I've said "Right.... someday I will. I promise". And I've said that now for a real real long time.

But, these past few days, I've kind of thought, now might be a good time to do such a thing.

So, alas, here I am.

I want to have a blog to talk about everything and share my stories and pictures and my life. It'll probably be a crazy mix of all kinds of things. But, I hope you'll like it.

I thought I'd start off by telling you the glamorous story behind the name of my blog.

Once upon a time, a long long time ago...

I attended the University of Utah. Not only did I go to school there but I also joined the KKG.

Well, one evening, like so many others over those years; a couple of gals and I found ourselves drinking in a car behind the Kappa House.

Classy. I know.

So... there the four of us sat, preparing for what was sure to be a happening night on Greek Row. I do not even recall what kind of potion we had made up that night. But at one point the beverage was handed to me from the front seat.

I took a sip and it was all I could do not to spit it out all over everyone.

It was disgusting and tangy and gross.

But, I swallowed it. Looked around. And said -

Tastes like... White Diamonds.

Of course we all laughed and of course we all continued to drink it.

And it's not that this was the most hysterical moment of our college careers. But somehow we always go back to that moment and laugh. Perhaps because it was an indicator of so many other memories and so many other hilarious nights. Perhaps because lots of things since that night have also tasted like White Diamonds. Perhaps because we've all always brought each other luck...

I don't know... but I do love it.