Monday, August 25, 2008

Winnemucca

So. As many of you may know, my family journeyed to Winnemucca, NV this past weekend for my second cousin's wedding. First, let me just say, the wedding was great, the bride was beautiful and the wine... was delicious.

A couple things though:

One - Joel, my dad, forgot his suit. This is ridiculous in so many ways. I mean, it is so not my dad to forget his suit, when we are going to a wedding. It is just completely out of character for him. Completely. Which, of course, made it all the more hilarious.

Two - Because this wedding was in Winnemucca, the only and I mean only shopping option was... Walmart.

Three - Yes. Walmart. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I know. Tons of people shop there. Hello. Obvious. But, you know, my family tends to be made up of mildly raging liberals who avoid Walmart at any and all costs.

Four - We went to Walmart no less than... four times over the course of two days. Because, as it turned out, mom forgot her curling iron, I forgot pyjamas, grandma needed lactaid... Whatever, I don't know. And once again I remind you, that is the only store other than the 40 or 50 thousand discount liquor stores in Winnemucca. (we kind of love Winnemucca...)

Five - Somehow, my dad put together quite a spiffy little outfit and looked, well, breathtaking as I like to call it, at the wedding.

Six - Grandma accusing Aunt Carole of stealing her liquor is probably one of my favorite moments of my life thus far.

Seven - That was more than a couple things, but, worth it.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Is it just me? Or...

is this about the funniest prescription anyone on the planet has ever received?



















Yeah. No. It's not just me. It's hilarious.

(thanks cham. good luck with the tonsils. and the active sucking)

Friday, August 15, 2008

A Very Special Barista

Okay so after bootcamp every day, we usually grab some coffee. Fridays, since they're bleacher days, are special. So we usually go to Starbucks and get fancy drinks.

Today was no exception.

However, once in the car and sipping our toasty warm delights; Kristin and I noticed tasty beverages weren't the only treat of the day...


















Seriously. I love stuff like this. The treats of life I tell you.
The treats of life...

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

a pretty good representation of what conversations are like between me and my dad

Dad: Hey, I need you to help me tonight.

Me: Oh great. With what?

Dad: I need help getting the new barbeque your mother and I bought into the backyard.

Me: A new barbeque, huh? What's it like? Is it stainless steel? Is it a Weber?

Dad: Um... I think it's a Charmglow.

Me: Haha. Charmglow. That sounds gay.

Dad: Well. It is.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Cruefest 2008... What?

So, as you may or may not know, one of the many perks of my job is getting free tickets to things like concerts and sporting events and the like. And usually, if I can go, no matter what level of interest I have in the performance, when it comes to concerts, I'm pretty much game for anything. So... when a pair of Cruefest 2008 tickets fell into my lap, I simply could not resist. My friend Melanie, who is always up for a good time accompanied me to this extravaganza. And let me tell you something. Between the two of us, we've been around a bit. We've seen "life", people, crazy shit, you know. However, nothing and I mean nothing, could have prepared us for the sights our eyes beheld that evening.

First there was this:










Then there were these things...

-The guy who completely turfed it off the ledge into the walkway whilst holding two beers. Best part was, he fell on his face but managed to only spill about a fourth of one beer.
-The girl who was, mmmmm, about a biscuit shy of 300 pounds in basically a bra and jeans, with something resembling (and i mean resembling) a vest.
-Cheap, cheap, CHEAP looking women. Millions of 'em.
-The guy who peed his pants and was running around talking to himself.
-Oh, thousands of people who looked like they stepped out of a time machine. Seriously, they came straight from the concert back in '87. Same outfits, same mullets, everything.
-The fights, my god, the fights.
-More mullets.

Yes. You should be jealous.

Friday, August 1, 2008

No good. I've known too many Spaniards.

Holy moly y’all. Once again it’s been ages. I do not know how the time slips away! Okay, I have been meaning to share this story for weeks. Here we go…

Many of you know our dear surrogate family member hailing from Spain, Iker. Also known as the Basque Bastard. Well, he was in town a little while ago and of course, many a funny moment occurred. I have chosen one for you.

So, one night, Chamonix, Iker and I are on our way to pick up Annan and Rebecca to go to the Tim McGraw concert. But before we pick them up, Iker has requested we pick up a coffee on the way as he is a sleepy doo and needs a little pick-me-up.

In the interest of convenience and time, I drive us all down to the Café Expresso down there on 11th East and 9th South. We pull up and after a few minutes of convincing Iker that YES, you can, in fact, get an iced latte, he orders one. This is where it gets good.

Coffee girl: Do you want a bean?

Iker: What, like a jellybean?

Me and Cham: Haha, no. It’s a chocolate covered coffee bean, just get one.

Iker: What?

Coffee girl: ??????

Me: Just… yes, okay, yes, we’ll have a bean please. Thank you.

So we get the coffee and as we’re driving off, Iker is totally dumbfounded by the bean.

He exclaims exactly this: I HAVE BEEN TO THIS COUNTRY FOR THREE YEARS AND HAVE NEVER BEEN OFFERED A BEAN! This must be a Utah custom…